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    • CommentAuthorAlia
    • CommentTimeSep 14th 2009 edited
    Here is the full listing before it probably gets flagged and everyone else cant view!!!

    I'm No Hipster- Fixie for Sale

    I tried to be a part time hipster, but it hasn't worked out. I so wanted to cruise through Hillsboro Village palping a wool cap and a Che Guevara Tshirt. I've tried to come slay the last few Critical Mass rides, but my kids always have soccer or want to go see Transformers or something. Skinny leg jeans don't fit me right. I'm too old. I'm can't learn how to do a tail whip or a hockey stop because I'm afraid I'll get hurt and ruin my triathlon season. I like Band of Horses, but it seems that it's just not enough. So, reality has overshadowed irony and nostalgia, and I have decided with a heavy heart to sell my fixie.

    It's an awesome bike. The frame is a 1984 Schwinn World Sport, a collabo between US frame designers and Taiwanese frame builders, that is dressed in a gray metal flake colourway with oh so retro pink-and-white lettering. The paint is in surprisingly good condition, considering it's older than the target market for this listing. The bike sits on a new set of Sun Ringle deep-v rims in black with black spokes and hubs. The hubs roll like butter down a hot corn cob and the rear is a flip flop with a 17t fixed gear and an 18t freewhell already installed. The freewheel has never been used. I may not be hipster, but nobody's calling me a poseur. The rubber on this bike is from Soma and has plenty of wear left, with absolutely no flat spots from skid stopping. You'll be turning a 46t Sugino Messenger crank onthis baby, so bring your A game if you planning on crossing the bridge and rolling through the East Nashville hills. There's a new tektro brake installed on the front wheel with a crosstop BMX lever on the bullhorns, but don't worry, it's easily removable. There's also a set of drop bars and a new adjustable stem included in the sale for those who prefer a more tracky look. I've also go a new seatpost and a Ritchey pro headset pressed in. The saddle is a classic Schwinn stinger in candy apple red. I realize that pink and red is generally considered to be a faux pas, but I'm counting on potential buyers for the bike sharing my contempt for the Tsars of fashion.

    The color scheme on this ride is guaranteed to instantly boost your street cred. I picked up on the pink in the bikes' native lettering, and as such, the bike has been finished with pink bar tape, pink toe cages, a pink chain and a pink bottle cage. The bottle cage is capable of holding both tallboys and 40s of malt liquor, or standard water bottles in case you prefer to rub the V and T on your Saturday cruise.

    Because the bike is sized for riders 5'3" to 5'9" and pink, it's totally chick friendly. It will be a perfect pussy magnet for any hipster dude, at once displaying your sensitivity and your security in heterosexuality. For girls....hey, it's pink. I'm sure you have a pair of light green Rocket Dogs laying around. Perfect! This bike will make a perfect gift for your GF or hipster fiancee. Plus, at my price you'll have plenty of extra cash to have tribal bands tattooed on your wedding fingers. That, or you can cruise down to Planned Parenthood and split the bill for the abortion. Whatever, I'm not judging anyone, just trying to sell a bike.

    Listen guys, if you're long on green and low on hipster rep, come buy this bike. Hurry up before I change my mind and quit shaving.
    • CommentAuthorjerereremy
    • CommentTimeSep 14th 2009
    i kinda hope the craigslist killer replies to this one.

    has anyone ever gotten laid for riding a bike? apparently band of horses isn't the only thing escaping me here.
    • CommentAuthorniwile
    • CommentTimeSep 14th 2009
    This is fucking hilarious!
    I want to meet this person
    • CommentAuthoreaglerock
    • CommentTimeSep 17th 2009
    And there's more:

    THE GREATEST BICYCLE HELMET OF ALL TIME - $15 (san jose downtown)

    Date: 2009-09-17, 12:08AM PDT
    Reply to: [blahblahblah] [Errors when replying to ads?]

    That’s right. For a measly 15 bucks, you could be the proud new owner of the greatest bicycle helmet of all time. The first thing you will notice is that it is super shiny and clean. That’s because it is impervious to getting dirty. Also, it automatically puts out a force field around you whenever a bully tries to kick your ass and/or take your lunch money – a very useful feature if you are an engineer. And, we’re not even at the good stuff yet!

    With this helmet your dick will grow an additional 12”. I tried to post pics to prove it, but the pussies at CL wouldn’t let me, so you’ll just have to take my word for it. It’s like they’ve never seen a 24” dick before, SHEESH! Another cool feature is that you can move shit with your mind whenever you have it on. That makes for a great party trick. That feature is especially useful for clubbing because you can lift up girls’ skirts WITH YOUR MIND. You’re pretty much a motherfucking jedi master with this helmet on. I can’t even count how many times I’ve worn this puppy to Vivid and remotely lifted up the skirts of unsuspecting Asian hotties. But why stop at skirt-lifting? With this helmet you can actually have sex with ANY GIRL YOU WANT (works for guys too, but not that I would know, since I’m totally not into that). All you have to do is put it on, do a shooting motion at your target with your index finger while winking at her (see pic below), and BAM! She’ll be sitting on your face in no time! In fact, I lost my virginity to a pair of supermodels while wearing this helmet.

    Now you’re probably wondering why I’m selling it if it’s so great. Well, I also happen to have the greatest keychain of all time. It pretty much does all the same stuff but also has the magical ability to keep all my keys in one place. And since I don’t need both, and because my head is a little too big for it, I’m selling the helmet.

    All the other helmets here on CL are for pussies. All they do is protect you from severe skull damage in the event of a serious collision. And that’s it! No force field, no poontang up in your grille, NOTHING!

    Oh yeah, the size is a men’s M/L.

    If you have any questions feel free to contact me. Sexy Asian man not included with helmet.
    ha he's asian. no asian has a 24inch dick. he must have been on coke when he made this post.

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