General: Best of Craigslist Bike Shop Ad

i read that earlier. dude implies he's super busy right now but has enough free time to write all that? funny nonetheless.

p.s. not so bike related but...

dontevenreply.com

It's all a part of working at a shop...

Especially the part about the triathalon part. Every body and their brother wants a bike to do a triathalon. Or the people that want to buy mountain bikes because they will "ride trails". Seriously, I see enough people at the shop I work at to know who's a waste of my time, and all these people are. Especially the parents who want to know how long the bike will fit their kid. Hell, three years ago I was 5' 7" and now I'm 6 feet tall. So how the hell should I know if your kid can ride some shit ass 24" bike for ten years. Or the people who are like," and I don't want skinny tires, I'll fall off." Then I tell them that the 700c wheel is more stable because you essentially have two gyroscopes spinnin g beneath you, and that's part of the reason you can ride a god damned bike in the first place. They of course don't believe me, so I go get a wheel, have them hold it while I spin it, then I tell them to lay it flat while it's spinning. THen they get it. Or the people who want the elusive Sub $1000 full suspension bike. It exists, but not any where near my shop. Or the people who don't understand why we charge for things like labor. Or the morons who look at me like it's my fault that Specialized make a helmet that costs $230. Hell, it's so good I'd pay twice that. I guess if you have to ask... Or the people who ask me about Lance Armstrong. Apparently they've never heard of Alberto Contador, or Cavendish, or Boonen, or the Schlecks. I hate that. Or the assholes who ask if we sell used bikes. Do you see any in here? No. That should be a start. Or the people that get offended that our shop hasn't risen to a level in which we stock the full line of Campagnolo excellence. For one, we don't stock any bikes with Campy, so that should be a clue. The second should be it's expensive as hell, and third, it doesn't relly work all that great (no offense to Campy devotees) but I want to tell these people to blow me, because If I wanted to work on your stupid Chorus parts that cost as much as Ultegra, then perhaps I would have rolled out a red carpet for all those who have been enlightened by "fine Italian engineering". When people ask me if we carry Trek. NO. Do you see a Trek sign, banner, or a Trek bike anywhere near the premises? No. That should be a clue. When people ask me if we haggle price on a brand new bike, especially one that sells. How about I throw in a free bottle cage. Next! Ore those scoundrels who randomly get agitated about the price of an item or labor, especially since we CLEARLY define price before any work takes place. Oh, I'll just undo all that work for you, sire. Or when the local crit champ treats me like their own personal lackey. Just because you've got a Cervelo and good set of legs does not mean that I'll be willing to throw on a new set of Speedplays (they all have Speedplays) for free. Or when the BMX guys come in and treat me like I don't know anything about tire slection or whatever. Just put on the heaviest tire and go ride. Besides, I'm pretty damn sure I've been riding BMX long before any of the soccer mom having 14 year olds around here did. Or when the asshole DH riders show up in their stupid car covered in mud and Gravity stickers. Oh sure, I'd love to hear another story of the sick lines at Whistler. What I couldn't care about are your stupid friends who don't respect anything, expecially when you try to fix your own bike, fail, and not clean up after yourselves. And to all the people asking if we have trikes. No, we don't.

WOW, I love to read peoples rants like this & I can tell this is going to be a VERY entertaining thread to fallow!

"-If you shitheads had any money, you wouldn't NEED a vintage Poo-zhow to get laid."

"-Yeah. Listen, I want a car that can go 200 miles an hour, tow a boat, has room for five adults, is easy to parallel park but can carry plywood, gets 60mpg, and only costs $3,000. I also want a unicorn to blow me."

LMFAO, oh thank you iron jaiden for this one!!


Seriously though, if you work at or own a shop & can’t stand to field your patrons crap, perhaps it’s time to get out of the bike biz & back on a bike doing what got you enjoying bikes in the first place. I love tinkering on bikes, but I do it at my own pace when I want to do it. I suspect that if I did it for a living under the time and cost constraints that a business must adhere to I’d no longer like bikes as I do.

If you can do what you love and make a living at it without learning to hate it, then you’re truly blessed...

Yeah, I work in a bike shop on my own stuff every Monday. This guy hit all the nails on the head.

I deal with people everyday like this.

I work in cable. I am a cable guy. Here's my rant.

No I cannot get you free porn. You want Skinemax? Playboy? Here's the phone number to the main office call it in and pay for it like everyone else. How about you call President Obama maybe he will stimulate the economy with free porn.

You don't want to pay for cable? That's okay, I don't want you to have it. You're too fat to watch TV, get outside and do something productive besides digesting fried chicken.

Really? I was late to your appointment? Im sorry I was just screwing off down the street. I have nothing to do today, it's slow out here. Well except for that 300 ft. line I had to dig and bury all myself. Isn't it about 98*F out? I tell you what, yes I'm sorry I'm late, but you know what, your TV might work a lot better if you actually plug it in. Now sign here this states you owe us 30 dollars for forgetting to plug your own TV in and calling us out here to fix it. Get some damn common sense. Rookies.

Some of you fell out of the retard tree and hit every branch on the way down. Things work better when they are PLUGGED IN! You may have a 4 story house with 2 BMW's and a Ferrari in your garage, you're still a dumbass for not plugging in your TV. The worst part of it is you waited on hold 2 hours with tech support to try to resolve this. They always ask if it is plugged in! God you are stupid!

Why do you people buy all this expensive equipment and get pissed when you can't figure out how to work it? Did you fail 2nd-grade reading comprehension? The equipment may be made in China, the instructions are in English! Read them!

Clean your fucking houses people Jesus H Christ the next house I walk into with dog shit on the floor and pathways to get to all the rooms is getting their cable turned off. I have walked out of three houses already. God you people are disgusting. I thought I was bad, single 24 house all to himself no roommates, dishes sit out for a couple days MAX. You people are filthy pigs, then you get pissed when we have to leave because they don't give us hazmat suits. What, you didn't know sleeping with roaches and bat shit was bad for your health?

Bike shop snobbery is hilarious. My LBS tries to make me feel like a 2nd class citizen every time I go in there. I'll walk in knowing exactly what I want and be so polite about getting it but one bloke in particular has to make condescending remarks or do the little eye roll to let you know you're not part of the club (this guy's 35 and about 20kgs overweight). I could just order stuff online a lot of the time but his bitterness and completely unjustified confidence is extremely entertaining.

Every job where you directly deal with the public sucks. I'm a manager of an healthy fast food restaurant in the financial district in Chicago. I could write a rant just like any of these. Basically: it turns out that the super-rich people that control our economy are whiny babies at lunchtime.

yea i got a job selling bikes at a store that sells beach cruisers exclusively i love the discounts and ordering from Seattle bike supply and j&b importers but the people who buy beach cruisers... yea i love to help out and provide customer service but seriously sometimes wtf

First thing off no i cant call the fucking boat and tell you when bikes will be getting here from china.

can i switch the rims from that $500+ electra sparker on to that mcargi pos? yea can i have that farrari engine in my GLI?

HAHA why dont i carry Schwinn? cause it would cost me to honor your guarantee then that bike is worth

no i wont order you a few chain rings and try them out its a beach cruiser

why dont beach cruisers have come in 21 speeds with suspension? cause that makes it a useless faux mountain bike

hey something is messed up on my bike can you fix it? hear it all the time but whatever my customers do with a beach cruiser is not riding them i have seen drop outs literally snapped off or bent out. wheels literally bent so much they are cracked

i bought this bike a year ago its already all messed up! yea thats cause i have to take a screwdriver to get the sand out of the bottom bracket. The spokes are breaking even though you said this bike would last me x years, that was before you decided to ride it into a pool and apparently store it in salt water.

you told me u bolts were strong enough that they couldn't be cut. no i said its harder and that was before you got the super basic 11mm ravx

can you add speeds to a single speed beach cruiser i used to say yes and explained and said what it would cost... i have learned just to say no

ppl who back into spots buy a bike ask me to load it and don't turn around. just why?

no you cant have it at cost cause you happened to know the owners name. if you want you can call him and have him call me

$160 seems expensive for our cheapest cruiser? would you fly down a hill that cost less lol?

do i take trade ins? wtf would i do with it

i think the worst part is ppl who put bikes on hold dont come back for a week and get all pissy when i told them i sold it. thats why i told you it was a 24hr hold i can sell it immediately and who knows if you are coming back you didnt put down a deposit